Filed under: JUST SOME THOUGHTS
It’s my uncle’s first year death anniversary soon. Or maybe it is today, according to lunar calendar. The whole family went to the temple for a scheduled prayer.
Ah Teck is a man who devotes himself to the temple we go to. He does chanting services free of charge. But we always give him some money after each session as a token of appreciation. He’s chanted for my maternal grandfather, my mummy, and my uncle. I like him quite a lot. I think I used to talk and ask him some issues on the after death.
It’s been bout a year since we last met him. The meeting today made my heart pain and worried. He’s lost so much of weight. His face has sunken and his temples showing. He claimed that he’s turned vegetarian and is eating dieting pills, hence the drastic change. But I really doubt so. One look, we all guessed that he’s ill.
He usually chants out loud throughout the prayer. But today, he chanted silently halfway. I think he was breathless. My aunty asked him if it’s true. He said that he had some pears earlier on and they caused him to have phlegm, resulted in his inability to chant in his usual volume.
I really hope all he claimed today are all true. But even if it’s not, his path shall be smooth. With his faith and all the positive karma he has accumulated, he’s going to be fine at the end of the day.
I see traces of you everywhere today.
For me, I feel like I have given everything of myself to you. But you never think it’s enough.
You ask for more understanding. Have you given me yours? Or a little bit more? I asked if you feel loved with me, and you said,”Yes of course, if not why am I with you?”
You say you don’t like to give promises. It’s not that I really need, but the fact that you don’t like or don’t want to give any scares me. It makes me think, is it because you don’t like to commit? Stop saying am so young, I will grow old one day. Am I suppose to see the importance of planning only when am socially termed ‘old’?
It was my company’s cycling yesterday. Two of my female colleagues had their husbands to meet them dinner at ECP. They looked so blessed. They really looked happy. I want to be like them next time.
I always doubt that you love me deeply. So, if you were to ask if I felt loved being with you, I would say no. The next question, why was I still with you? Coz I always hoped. Hoped that things would slowly become something like what I would want. Our lives, our relationship, at least be something ideal.
Am not ambitious. I just want to have a Family. That’s my goal.
I meant nothing to you.
I just have to keep telling that time is all I need. Oh maybe my work helps too. Yes, it definitely does.
Filed under: RANDOM
Today my bus ride to work was more peaceful. It was a lot quieter. The reason: One lady who is at a more senior was not present in the bus.
Usually when she’s around, she keeps yakking non stop to her colleague. No joke, they see each other everyday at work and take the same bus, but they seem to have never ending gossips.
Please la, if you wana gossip, do it softly.
Having a religion is a faith. We don’t see what and who to pray to. They are merely symbols which we put our faith and respect to. I don’t understand why must people come door to door to preach.
I was sweeping the floor. There was a knock on the door and my ah ma answered it. I heard a lady speaking in mandarin. Am very defensive when strangers speak mandarin or any other languages except her dialect (teochew) to her. She had no education and I think that if I were her, I would always feel very vulnerable when dealing with languages which are almost completely foreign to her. Two events which happened last year which I thought totally failed were the elections. They engaged residents to help out at the polling areas. There were seniors volunteers who could speak mandarin, English, and at least one dialect. And they spoke English/ mandarin to my ah ma! Were they without EQ and IQ or simply without a brain? If they couldn’t speak dialct, at ;east speak mandarin right?! I had to shout out to my ah ma to direct her to the correct queue line/ station.
Okay back to the knock on the door:
So after my ah ma opened the door, the conversation started. But I could only hear the lady talking, my ah ma, must be feeling hard to express herself or just being very nice (as always), smiling and listening to her. I shouted from where I was, “What happened?” and walked over to the door. The lady saw me and our conversation started:
Lady: Hello. Thank you for coming out to meet me. Or I mean, coming to the door.
We both smile. But of course my smile was more forced.
Lady: We’re promoting Christianity.
Me: We are Buddhists.
Lady: Oh yes, I can see that (looking and pointing at the amulet pasted on our door).
Me: We really don’t like preaching of religion.
Lady: Oh, may I know why?
Me: Would you like it? Why not you come in and have a chanting session with me?
Lady: Oh, for me, if the person trying to preach is not really forcing, I’ll be fine with it.
Me: Yes, but am already telling you that we don’t like preaching. How would you feel if I try to persuade to switch to a different religion?
Lady: Okay thanks for your time then. Bye.
I closed the door.
I don’t understand. Why must people tell other people to change their faith. To me, most religions are good, no one’s bad, except some which expect you to do some bad or crime to show your devotion. Why must you tell me to switch my faith? Is religion something which we are not supposed to feel strongly for, that we could just fill up a form and tadah! I HAVE CHANGED MY RELIGION?!
How could you go door to door to do preaching. Faith comes from within. I have never met Buddha, neither have you met yours (I believe). It’s the faith. It’s a symbol which we choose to worship to. I respect my religion and any others. I feel that if you understand what religion is for, you should not even preach bout yours.How could you promote and try to instill what you think is good for you and attempt to change mine? Is my religion bad? Is my religion less superior than yours?
Oh maybe you just care so much cox if I don’t switch, I would go to hell when I die.
